By The Light Of Day
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: Carolyn Barek's entire body was trembling as she walked into the hospital. She had gotten the call... Now she couldn't even remember how much time had passed since she had gotten the frantic call from Mike's partner.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, everybody. The idea for this story came to me after I heard about Chris Noth deciding to leave the show, and finding about how he was going to leave. Apparently, Chris has no intentions of reviving his role as Mike, so the August 24th episode, Last Rites, will most likely be his last. According to my source, the show is looking for a paramedic to rattle off stats to Ross and Wheeler about "a person of interest". I'm dreading the episode, because like many of you, I adore Mikey. Sigh. Anyway, I told my room mate that the only way I could be okay with it would be if Wolf brought Annabella back to reprise her role as Carolyn one last time. But she doesn't think it's going to happen. So I decided to write this, with the help of the Confused One. Enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: Not ours!

CICICICICICICICICI

Carolyn Barek's entire body was trembling as she walked into the hospital. She had gotten the call... Now she couldn't even remember how much time had passed since she had gotten the frantic call from Mike's partner.

The air swooshed around her as she walked through the automatic doors, and she felt like it was taking the air out of her lungs. She couldn't lose him. She couldn't. _Fuck_...

Wheeler was standing in front of Mike's ICU room, and Carolyn suddenly saw red. Because of this woman in front of her, there was a chance Mike wouldn't live. She stalked up to her, trembling.

The redheaded woman looked her up and down and nervously extended a hand. "You must be Carolyn. I'm Megan Wheeler..."

Carolyn glared at her offered hand. "I know who you are," she spat, reaching for the door. She couldn't waste any more time or energy on this woman. She had to see Mike.

With a trembling hand, she opened the door and slipped inside. A nurse was checking his vitals, and at the intrusion, looked up. "This patient isn't allowed visitors."

Carolyn stepped forward. "I'm his medical proxy. Carolyn Barek."

The nurse glanced down at the chart in her hand. "Right, okay. I see now." She gave Carolyn a sympathetic look, which chilled Carolyn to the bone. "His doctor will be by later to speak with you."

She nodded numbly as the nurse finished, then walked out of the room. Finally they were alone. Barely breathing, Carolyn moved closer to the bed, her hand extended. She couldn't believe any of this. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this.

The tubes and wires were frightening enough, but seeing him lie so still in the bed sucked the oxygen out of her lungs, leaving her desperately heaving and fighting back the tears. She couldn't cry. She had to be strong for them, for him. He needed her to be strong.

Slowly, almost timidly, she laid her hand on his arm. The skin beneath her hand was warm, reassuring, and she found herself able to take a small breath. "Mike..."

Mike stirred slightly at the sound of her voice and the touch of her hand.

Her heart jumped into her throat. Leaning closer, she gently stroked his hair. "It's okay, Mike," she whispered. "I'm right here. It's okay."

Fighting the darkness, Mike stirred again. He knew that voice. It was Carolyn. He wanted to get to her.

Encouraged, Carolyn smiled. "That's it, baby. Open your eyes for me."

Mike's eyes finally blinked open. He turned his head slightly and closed them again against the bright lights. He groaned softly.

She frowned and quickly reached over to turn the lights off. "The lights are off, Mike," she murmured, taking his hand.

Mike blinked a couple of times and opened his eyes again. Adjusting to the light that was in the room, he finally looked at her. Confused, he reached up with his free hand for the oxygen mask over his face.

She gently grabbed his other hand, shaking her head. "No, baby. Leave that there."

Mike gave her a frustrated look. It was in the way. Hoarse, he tried to speak, "Want...it...off..."

"No, you need it," she insisted firmly, running a cool hand over his warm forehead. "Leave it there."

Mike met her eyes. He finally stopped trying to pull it off. Lowering his hand back to the bed, he ventured, "Where...am I?"

"Mercy General." She continued to run her hand gently through his hair. "You were shot."

Mike nodded slowly. He remembered arriving at the suspect's house. He remembered being with Wheeler. He frowned. "And Wheeler? Is she...okay?"

She forced down a whirlwind of emotions that name brought. "She's... fine, Mike. Don't worry about her." She sure as hell wouldn't. "You were the one who was hurt." She gently squeezed his hand.

Mike relaxed a little. "Good..." He cared about Megan Wheeler a lot. She was a good partner. He shifted slightly and then groaned in pain. It hurt to move. Closing his eyes, he decided not to do that again.

"Don't move," she murmured, her hand pausing in his hair. "Just relax."

Mike swallowed hard and tried his best to relax. Looking up at her again, he hesitated a moment to ask. He finally ventured, "Where...is...my badge?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Your captain or Wheeler probably has it. You can get it back later. Don't worry about it right now."

Mike frowned. He shook his head and looked at her. He insisted, "I...want you...to have it."

A cold chill swept through her veins, and she gripped his hand tighter. "No, I don't want it. You're going to need it when you get out of here." Mike frowned. He looked away from her and replied, "If...I get out of here."

"No..." She gulped. "You're going to get out of here. I'm going to take you home..."

Mike frowned. He insisted, "You...don't know that. Have to be...realistic."

"Logan," she growled. "You're not going to give up on me. You're not."

Mike frowned. He gave her a look. "Not...giving up..."

"Good." She gently lifted his hand and kissed his knuckles. "Because... I need you."

Mike squeezed her hand softly. "And I...need you."

She smiled weakly, rubbing his hand. His skin was cold, and she swallowed hard. Was he really trying to tell her goodbye? She shook her head. No, he was going to be just fine. He was. And he needed her to believe in him. She kissed his fingertips lightly.

Mike met her eyes again. "I do love you, Carolyn." He was in a lot of pain, and he really wasn't sure he was going to be okay this time. He knew he only got so many chances, and he had to be running out.

"I know you do, Logan." She couldn't bring herself to say it back to him. A deep worry ate away at her gut.

Mike studied her now. He gave her hand a squeeze. "You're-you're going to be okay, Carolyn..."

Her face paled. "Mike, no..."

Mike swallowed hard. He insisted, "Yes... I have to... I have to know that you know these things...in case..."

"In case nothing. You're going to be fine." Her hand tightened around his, and she brought it up to rest against her cheek. It was still too cold, and she willed her warmth into him.

Mike swallowed with difficulty. "You-you don't know that..." He shifted again just a little and was nearly paralyzed with pain.

She got to her feet and leaned over him, gently stroking his cheek. "Please, Mike..." She didn't quite know what she was pleading for, but she knew that she couldn't lose him. To lose him would be to lose her heart. She just couldn't.

Mike nodded slowly. He tightened his hold on her hand. "I...will... I just... I want to be...prepared. Want you to be...prepared."

She shook her head, bringing his hand up to her mouth again. "No..."

Mike breathed shakily. He insisted, "Yes... Carolyn, I've scraped by way too many times..."

"And you're going to be fine now," she whispered.

Mike swallowed thickly. He shook his head again. "You...don't know that."

"Damn it, Mike, you're going to be fine!" She tried to sound strong, but her voice cracked.

Mike closed his eyes when he heard her voice crack. He took a deep breath. "I...hope you're right."

She nearly panicked when he closed his eyes and his hand relaxed in hers. "I am, Mike," she whispered unconvincingly. "I'm right."

Hearing the panic in her voice, Mike opened his eyes again. He met her eyes. "It just... It hurts..." He shifted just a little again, more pain flared in him, and he groaned.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, resting a careful hand on his chest. "I know," she whispered soothingly. "I'm sorry. Just rest."

Mike swallowed hard. He finally nodded. "Yeah..." He closed his eyes again, willing himself into sleep where the pain was gone.

She picked up his hand again, gently rubbing it as she willed herself not to panic at the thought of him closing his eyes.

Trying to sleep, Mike was comforted by having her close. No matter what, he knew he had her there.

Bringing his hand against her breast, she used her other hand to gently stroke his hair. He was going to be fine. She just had to believe that. Finally she whispered, "I love you, Mike."

Hearing her, Mike gave her a ghost of a smile. "I love you, too, Carolyn." And he did. His hand went limp in hers, and a shrill whining filled the room as he stopped breathing.

TBC...

A/N: Ooh, evil cliffie! (hides from angry mob with pitchforks and left shoes)


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, here's the promised update. I was surprised and thrilled by the vocal response to the first chapter. And I agree with ya'll. I want Chris to stick around, and I really believe that if they go through with this, most of us will go back to straight BA. Maybe if Dick Wolf sees the pattern, he'll do something about it. What that is, I dunno. And who else totally loved Vanishing Act? It felt awesome to see them smiling and laughing again. They were completely and impossibly adorable. Gotta love them! Oh, and in this chapter, we have lots of Deakins. Confused and I don't care for Ross, so he gets abused while Deakins gets to play hero. Hehehe. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not ours!

The rating in this chapter is a little upped, cause Carolyn has a foul mouth and for captain abuse.

CICICICICICICICICICICI

Carolyn's eyes went wide with horror as she leapt off of the bed, clinging to Mike's hand. The door swung open, and the room was suddenly filled with doctors and nurses.

One doctor moved to the bed and reached out, placing his fingers against Mike's neck. "I don't have a pulse," he growled. He turned around and barked, "I need a crash cart, now!"

As one was produced, a nurse grabbed Carolyn's arm. "Ma'am, you're going to have to leave."

Carolyn shook her head furiously. "No. I can't leave him. He needs me."

"Someone get her out of here!" Colin shouted as he grabbed the defribulator paddles.

Carolyn struggled against the nurse as she pulled Mike's hand out of hers and gently pushed her toward the door. The last thing Carolyn saw before the door was closed in her face was the doctor yelling, "Clear!" as he shocked Mike's lifeless body.

The door slammed in her face, and Carolyn stared at it, a tear rolling down her cheek.

Seeing the brunette woman being pushed out of the room, Ross knew something was wrong. He moved to her quickly. "What's going on in there?"

She turned around, and when she saw him, she knew who he was. Mike's descriptions of him were very accurate, and she was looking for a target to unleash her rage. "Who do you think you are?" she growled, her hands clenching at her sides.

Taken aback by the woman's anger, Ross stepped back. He tried to explain, "I'm his Captain. I'm worried about my detective. Who are you?"

"I'm his wife." She pulled her hand back and slapped him across the face. "It was supposed to be fucking routine! He was going to talk to a witness!"

Ross' eyes widened. Rubbing his cheek, he looked up at her surprised. He didn't realize Mike was even married. "It...was supposed to be routine. No one knew he was going to pull a gun."

"And now he could die because you didn't think he would pull a fucking gun!" An overwhelming fury swept over her, and when she could see through the red again, Ross was against the wall and her hand ached.

Ross was clutching his stomach. He stared at the woman in front of him. "It was routine! No one expected anyone to get hurt!" He wasn't taking the blame for what happened. It wasn't anyone's fault.

"It was your fault, you bastard," she hissed. "You didn't even take the time to consider that things might go wrong. And now... Now Mike could die because you were too damn lazy."

Frustrated, Ross shook his head. He snapped, "No one was lazy! It's part of the job! He wasn't a suspect. He was a witness!"

"That almost killed my husband!" She advanced on him again.

Walking in, Jimmy Deakins saw this. Moving quickly to Carolyn, he called to her. "Barek, stop!"

She didn't hear him. Her only thought was that the man in front of her may have very well have sent her husband to die. Red flashed in front of her eyes again.

Before she could hit him, Deakins grabbed her and pulled her away. "Carolyn, you have to stop! Calm down." He turned her to face him.

She pounded her fist weakly against his chest before collapsing against him.

Wrapping his arms around, Deakins sighed. He held her close. "I know... I know..." He wanted so badly to give the woman in front of him comfort.

"I'm losing him," she whispered, choking on a sob. "I can't lose him."

Closing his eyes, a sick feeling was starting in the pit of Deakins' stomach. He rubbed her back. "Mike is strong, resilient. Don't count him out yet..."

"His heart stopped." She shuddered. "He told me he loved me, and then he stopped breathing."

Deakins gasped slightly. He shook his head. "Oh, Carolyn... I'm so sorry." He looked over at his room. "But they're trying to get his heart going again. He's a fighter."

She buried her face in his shoulder, shaking. "He knew," she whispered. "He knew."

Deakins sighed. He held her close. He stroked her back. At a loss for words, he was just wanted to give her some comfort.

Breathing hard, she slowly pulled away from him and reached up for the chain that hung around her neck. Unclasping it, she slid the gold band off of it and slipped it onto her left hand.

Deakins gave her a supportive smile. "He loves you. Just...remember that."

She nodded, breathing shakily. "I know he does." Her hand came to rest gently over her stomach. "I know."

Deakins rubbed her back again. He nodded. "Come on... Let's sit down right over there and wait for them to come out..." He motioned to the seats within eyesight of the door.

Fifteen minutes later, Mike's doctor came out of the room, his face drawn. "Mrs. Logan?"

Carolyn quickly stood up on shaky legs. "Is he okay? Can I see him?"

"We managed to restart his heart, but it turns out there's some internal bleeding. We're going to have to take him into surgery."

She swallowed hard. "Can I see him? Please?"

"Just for a minute."

She quickly went past him and hurried into the room. Barely able to breathe, she stepped up to his bed. "Mike? Can you hear me, baby?" she whispered, sliding her hand into his.

Groaning softly, Mike tiredly turned his head to look at her. He gave her hand a soft squeeze. "I...can hear you..."

She let out a relieved breath. "I only have a minute, sweetheart."

Mike swallowed hard. "I...know. I have to go back...to surgery. I love you, Carolyn." He couldn't say that enough.

Leaning down, she gently slid her arm under his neck, hugging him carefully. "I know, baby," she whispered, nuzzling his neck. "I love you, too."

Mike closed his eyes. He carefully and painfully hugged her. He moved his oxygen mask aside and kissed her hair. He prayed he came out of this surgery all right. He didn't want to leave Carolyn yet.

Pulling her head back, she kissed him softly, then gently put the oxygen mask in place. "I'll see you in a few hours," she murmured.

Mike swallowed hard. He nodded slowly. He whispered, "Yeah..."

She gently caressed his damp hair. "I'll be here when you wake up. I'll even make them let me come into Recovery to see you." She kissed his forehead tenderly. "Promise."

Mike gave her a weak smile. He nodded slowly. "Good... I want you there..."

A tear slipped down her cheek, but she ignored it and rested her forehead lightly against his. She wanted to stay with him as long as she could.

Mike took her hand again. He whispered, "I'll...be okay..." He just couldn't stand it if she cried.

She gently cupped his cheek in her hand, her thumb stroking his cool skin. "I know you will," she said shakily. "And I'll be here when you open your eyes."

Mike nodded slowly. "Good..." He wanted her there. He needed her there.

There was a knock on the door, and Carolyn looked up to see Mike's doctor standing there. She sighed and kissed Mike's forehead again. "I have to go," she whispered, her heart shattering.

Mike's voice cracked just a little. "I...know. No matter what, remember, I love you..." If he died, he wanted those to be his last words.

She read the finality in his words, and she shook her head. "No." She squeezed his hand. "Tell me that when you wake up and yell at me for not sleeping."

Mike swallowed hard. He shook his head slowly. "Won't...yell. Just... I love you. Remember that."

She leaned down and hugged him again, kissing his temple. "Just relax," she whispered. "I'll see you in a few hours."

Mike nodded slowly. When the doctors and nurses came in again, they moved him to the other bed and rushed him out of the room to the OR.

She walked beside the bed, still holding onto his hand tightly. She wasn't going to be separated from him.

Mike continued to glance up at her until they reached the doors. He gave her hand a final squeeze.

When they reached the doors of the OR, she knew that she wouldn't be able to go any further. She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I'll see you soon, baby," she promised.

Mike swallowed hard. "Yeah..." He finally let go of her hand.

She watched them wheel her husband away, and she called out, "I love you, Mike."

Mike looked towards her again. "I love you, too..." He then disappeared behind the doors.

She stared at the doors for several minutes, until she felt a gentle hand on her back. But she didn't respond.

Deakins swallowed hard. "He's going to be okay." He stroked her back.

She nodded, closing her eyes. "He has to be..." She twisted her wedding ring on her finger.

Moving around her, Deakins pulled her into a hug. He needed to be there for her. He rubbed her back again.

She stiffened against him for a moment, then relaxed slowly. "I didn't... want to let go... of his hand." She sniffled. "He needs me, and I need him."

Deakins nodded in understand. He swallowed hard. "I know, and he's going to be fine. He's going to come through surgery, and you'll be right there with him when he wakes up."

She nodded resolutely. "You're absolutely right." She pulled back. "I should probably go home and get some clothes and my toothbrush."

Deakins nodded. He gave her a smile. "Yes, you should. Go take a shower, get a change of clothes... It'll be good for you."

She nodded. "Thank you for coming, sir."

Deakins frowned. He sighed softly. "Mike...is a friend. I wouldn't be anywhere else, and I'm not your Captain anymore. Don't call me sir." He smiled softly.

She smiled weakly. "Sorry. Force of habit."

Deakins smiled again. He nodded. "It's okay." With a sigh, he assured her, "I'll stay here and...call you if something happens while you're gone."

Her stomach clenched at his words. "Okay..." She turned around to leave. "Thank you."

Deakins nodded immediately. He sighed heavily and looked at the door again.

A half hour later, Carolyn came back to the hospital, her damp hair pulled back in a ponytail and a gym bag full of clothes tossed over her shoulder. She walked into the waiting room, sending Ross and Wheeler a glare as she walked over to Deakins.

Deakins was sitting. He got up and smiled. "Hey... There isn't...any word about Mike, but I...do have news from Bobby."

She raised an eyebrow. The last she checked, Bobby wasn't the one who was dying. "What is that?"

Deakins grinned. "Alex had the baby almost an hour ago. I just saw them. Bobby is hovering over both of his girls, but they're all doing okay..."

She nodded, managing a weak smile. "That's great."

Deakins nodded immediately. "It is." He was happy for them.

She hated that she couldn't share his excitement, but all of her energy was focused on worrying about her husband. He had to be okay. He had to pull through, so she could yell at him for getting shot.

Deakins could see that she was still way too worried about Mike. He reached out and put his hands on her shoulders. He met her eyes. "He's going to be okay. He's going to pull through this."

She nodded weakly, moving to the couch. "I'm just... going to sit down."

Deakins nodded. Following her to the couch, he sat down beside her. He sighed heavily, just hoping that she knew that he was there for her.

She looked up at the clock, then rested her head in her hands. All she could think about was Mike. She needed him so badly. He was her husband, and her best friend.

Seeing her head in her hands, Deakins reached over and rubbed her back gently. There were no words anymore. All they could do was wait. He just prayed Mike made it out of this okay. He didn't think Carolyn would ever be okay again if he didn't.

TBC...

A/N: See? Ross abuse. Carolyn was pissed. What can I say? Hope ya'll enjoyed this, and please remember to review!


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